you know because i already posted about it, but i graduated from my high school on june 3rd, 2018.
its crazy to think, but its already been a WEEK since i’ve graduated and it all kinda feels the same. i mean, i’ve been putting together my schedule for next year, meeting my roommates and starting to put together my dorm, worrying about moving across the entire coutry and dealing with WINTERS, and of course what i will be wearing in these winters (after all i am still a blogger!). its all so real, except not so real yet, like i know i am leaving in a little longer than two months, but it still feels foreign to me, i still feel like i am gonna go back to mayfield.
maybe because it felt like the ending was abrupt, maybe its because i loved my experience so much but i feel as though i didn’t have closure. its really hard to say why i don’t feel closure, i mean i finished my classes, went through transition week and i GRADUATED, the white dress, the roses, the whole ceremony & MY DIPLOMA. i mean its over, like i’m done with high school but i feel like i haven’t had the emotional response i usually do when things are over.
maybe i feel like i am ready, to leave high school, to leave my home and to leave LA and thats why i haven’t yet freaked out that its over? maybe i prematurely freaked out during college decision time so i decided i was done with the anxiousness? but i can’t be completely sure you know, it’s so odd to me.
i have always had a reaction with moving on and change, i get intense ‘graduation goggles’ – meaning when i am preparing to move to the end of something i get so nostalgic of the ‘good times’ i had in whatever place/thing that is ending. i get this when i have each birthday for as long as i can remember. weeks going to my birthday i can’t be more excited, and even the day i have my birthday i am so excited but the last few hours i finally decide that i actually don’t want to get older, and i don’t want the year to be over.
i feel as though my ‘graduation goggles’ did kick in, however the second part, the sadness, the wanting to stay in the moment not wanting to move on never happened, and thats why i don’t really feel like this moment is over, at least not yet.
thanks for reading my anxiety-ridden piece.