*this was supposed to be posted last night but i got so emo and had to take a little longer to finish it but here it is!*
its official. tonight i am flying to DC to move into my dorm room at the george washington university in the heart of the city. as i reflect on all of my emotions, i was remembering back to a post i wrote when my sister left for college (granted it was only 15 miles away and she came back for thanksgiving, something i will NOT be doing),i had so many feels i felt as though i should blog about it, because what is this blog if i don’t inject my feelings into it!
‘teach me how to say goodbye’
anyway, i think at this point in my blogging journey i am WAY different when i was then, but my feelings then, were all still valid but i feel that now i can express them differently than before, but one sentiment that came to my mind that i reflected on in my post about my sister was the immortal lines from the song ‘one last time’ from the musical ‘hamilton’ and they state:
“Teach me how to say goodbye.” – sang by George Washington, written by Lin Manuel Miranda
basically in the song, george washington is telling alexander hamilton that he is stepping down and not running for president for the third term. by doing this, he sets a precedent for two term presidents (and thats it!) so in the song, it uses the real lines of george washington’s farewell address and singing behind it. if you haven’t heard the song you really should give it a listen (and you can google it and find a live version too!).
but even more than before, i feel as though this is a perfect song for my emotions. i will be moving to WASHINGTON DC, and attending GEORGE WASHINGTON UNIVERSITY, and of course george washington sings these lines. so of course i am deeply affected by this song because of all of these little coincidences, but basically :
i want to say goodbye, but its going to be very hard for me, so i need to teach myself how to say goodbye, and learn that some goodbyes (even if only for alittle while) are necessary.
a new experience
i am moving out of the only home i’ve ever lived in, in the only city i’ve ever lived in, with the only people i’ve ever lived with. so if it already isn’t a totally big change going to college, it will be a super big change moving out of my house and moving to a whole new coast.
this is easily the biggest life change i’ve ever had. when i went from elementary school to high school i was going with 14 girls from my school (some of which i’d known for 9 years) and i was still in my own city. it wasn’t a big move at all. i was totally ready for it and high school definitely prepared me to be the person i am today, i wouldn’t change it for the world AND i loved attending a small all girl school.
i will be attending a school in washington dc with approx 12,000 students where i will be living in a dorm with 3 (!!!) other people. it will be something i have clearly never before experienced in my life. i am ready for the new experience but i am not quite ready to say goodbye to being a child. man, i KNOW its been a LOONG time coming, i have been driving for TWO YEARS (thats responsibility!), i have turned 18 (so i’m a LEGAL adult), i have had 3 jobs and i can freaking go to my DOCTOR by myself. so its not like i am unfamiliar but i am just so nostalgic now and feel sad about growing up.
ugh. this is the part that makes me sad. this is probably the hardest part about leaving. the goodbyes. to my home, my friends, my parents, MY DOG, my sister, my city and countless other things. no, i know that its time but and i AM ready to leave but i am sad i won’t be able to see these places, people or things until december.
somethings have been much harder than others to say goodbye to. and obviously, thats going to be the case always but its actually sorta refreshing realizing that i’ve outgrown certain things in my life.
but honestly most things i haven’t outgrown. my family that is for sure. i mean i’ve only like not seen my parents for a few weeks at a time and i’ve only ever lived with them. and i’ve lived with a dog for longer than i haven’t in my life and i am seriously going to miss his pig self.
so these saying goodbyes have been hard, but of course they are necessary and they are only really goodbye for now.
so how will blogging fit in?
this is a big question i get more often than you might imagine. will i keep blogging in college?
my answer: yes.
my blog has always been in my long term plan. and honestly if i didn’t ABSOLUTELY love what i was doing i wouldn’t even bother with it. blogging will NOT be something i will say goodbye to. i may farely be saying ‘see you once a week’ (instead of the current 3 times) but i had always planned to be a college blogger and right now i have some INSANELY cool things in the works for y’all and its probably the thing that makes me the happiest in my life, so my blog will (hopefully) forever be my insane passion project.
so 1) saying goodbye is hard 2) saying goodbye is necessary 3) continuing on in life is necessary 4) make time for what you love
thank y’all for reading my insane brain and as always: