hello all!
today is my 19th birthday.
and this is the first birthday in my life that i haven’t spent at home. in 19 years i’ve always been with my family on my birthday but today, may 2nd 2019 i am 2,200+ miles away from my home and i’m sad about it.
earlier this week i was texting with my dad and i said that i was not that excited for my birthday and thats not onlu because i am not at home with my family but also because we are at ‘that’ point in the school year, like i mentioned yesterday, we are in our last week of classes and final projects, exams and presentation season. everyone is crazy busy on their own schedules and time trying to not only finish the school year but also work on moving out of their dorms and getting ready to go home and work for the summer. so everyone is really only on their own wavelength (as am i, #nojudgement here)
it just really no longer feels special this year. i remember all of high school my friends brought me sweets, decorated my locker and made me a sign to wear all day, and most people knew me and so when they read the birthdays on announcements when people saw me later in the day they would wish me a happy birthday. and obviously, i knew it would be different in college, like there’s no way any of that would happen at GW, but you don’t realise how much you miss those little parts of high school till they’re gone.
i also just feel like at this point its just another birthday. sorry if that sounds cynical, and yes i’m probably too young to be saying something like that. i feel like before and up untill my 18th birthday all the birthdays were like really fun but i feel like the next one that will be fun is 21 (for obvious reasons) and after that honestly who knows. gone are the days of big parties with a princess theme at your house and even the tweenage slumber parties where you watch justin bieber’s ‘never say never’ documentary. i can’t help but get emotional and feel nostalgic about it. like i wish i hadn’t wished that time away so much. all of high school i couldn’t wait to be in college, and when i was young i ALWAYS wanted to be a teenager who could drive and go to the mall, but at what cost?
and as always, i don’t want to be a year older. each year comes with new responsibilties, actions and challenges, and i just never feel ready. i am usually excited right up until the actual day when i get emo about how i don’t wanna be a year older, but this year, the excitement never really came, it has just been the fact that its coming and whether i like it or not i have to deal with it.
alright all, enjoy + happy birthday to me!
xoxo, kate
